Dear Identity Questioners

Hello,
I am a member of the LGBTQIA+ community and I just wanted to share what it has been like for me. I am asexual, aromantic-spectrum and agender as well as autistic (the latter of which has been the most recent revelation). I joke that I am collecting all the A's. But if you are struggling with your identity, I wanted to offer some advice as someone who has been on this queer and trans questioning journey for many years. It is OK if you do not know who you are or what label you identity with the most. Some people change their minds many times over the course of their life. And some people are very solid and do not change much over the years. All of it is part of the process, which is different for everyone. Just remember that while labels are important, what matters is you and your comfort.

I did not know about much related to queerness or transness as a young person. I only found out when I was in my first year of college. And once I found out about asexuality, it was like everything made sense. I had that same sense of relief with being aromantic and agender. I did go back and forth between several labels until I decided I felt comfortable as an aromantic person the most. Another thing is that sometimes your identity can be hierarchical. Truly, being aromantic is such a radical experience. Discovering aromanticism changed my whole worldview and made me realize how much our society focuses on romance at the expense of every other type of attraction.

All this is to say, if you think you are somewhere on the queer spectrum of identity, I would encourage you to keep going. Don't give up if you find yourself frustrated. Your internal experience matters more than any label. Labels can only encapsulate so much, and they also connect us to each other.

Sincerely,
Ivy