This is a safe space for us to better understand the LGBTQ family experience by reading, writing and sharing letters.
Not By You Future Husband!

Not By You Future Husband!

October 16, 2014

Dear Future Husband,

First off congratulations on choosing to marry me. You have selected one of the coolest people on earth to settle down with, but I know that I am also very complicated. I am a woman, a military brat, college educated, the youngest of 3 kids, a cancer, a therapist and I am a COLAGEr. This is because my father is gay.

What does this mean for you? Well, when you meet my father for the first time he will not greet you at the door with a shotgun pointed in your face in attempts to intimidate you. He will greet you with a martini in his hand, a smile on his face and Beyoncé will probably be playing in the background. He will judge you, and grill you, and he or my step dad will cook you a wonderful meal. You will probably still be intimidated.

For the wedding planning please don't be offended when I say your parents won't be planning any details of the ceremony. In between my dad and my mom every single detail will be covered. Trust me on this one. The day of our wedding I will look fabulous. My dad will help with hair and makeup, my mom will help with my dress and accessories and my step dad will help to keep me calm and put a smile on my face. All you have to do is stand at the end of the aisle, say “I do” when asked, and make eye contact with my dad at least once as we approach the alter. It's a respect thing. The reception will be fun! My family loves to party and my mom and step dad get along like two old friends so there will be no drama there. We will do all the classic dances like the electric slide and cha cha slide. There will also be a few salsa songs, old school r&b, some pop for me and a little bit of techno. Also, I don't like chocolate cake so if you do we'll have to compromise.

When we have children they will have lots of love in their lives. They will have a wonderful grandma and at least two fabulous grandpas on my side of the family alone, three if my mom is remarried by then. If you happen to be a COLAGER as well then we will have to get creative with grandparent nicknames. Our children will also have a huge extended family with relatives in California, Louisiana, Massachusetts and a few others scattered across the US. Visiting my family alone our children will be very well traveled. They may even learn a little Spanish from my Step dad and his family, they're Puerto Rican.

Sorry, I seem to have jumped a little far ahead and I apologize for that! Let's get back to the basics for a bit. You may be wondering: How is your dad gay when he has kids?" And that's a fair question. He was married to my mother, they were in love and had children, they divorced and somewhere along the line he fell in love with my step dad and they married. That's really the whole story and no labels need to be put on it. Love is love either way you put it, you'll understand when you get there with me. I hear that love can sweep you off your feet.

I will not answer any crazy questions about my dad's sexuality, I won't tolerate homophobic attitudes or statements from you, and I won't be ashamed about the man who raised me. If you are not comfortable with the LGBTQ community it's time you attend a pride parade, listen to some Rupaul and make sure your cable provider includes the LOGO network. Expand your horizons and don't be so uptight. Drag shows, like bow ties, are cool.

My dad is not a cigarette or a magical winged forest creature so the two f words associate with gay men shall not be used to describe anyone, not by you future husband! You're the coolest, I just know it, and I cannot wait to meet you, date you, kiss you, love you and eventually get married. I'll be seeing you soon!


Brittnee Aleece

PS. If you don't love karaoke at this point in life you might want to start practicing. It's pretty fun and a great way to bond with me and my dad's. Shopping is a great way to bond with my mom. You're welcome!

When You Said The Words "I Do"

When You Said The Words "I Do"

You Have Chosen Love

You Have Chosen Love